Trouble Changed My Life Forever (continued)
GRIEVING IN SILENCE
Finding others who might be safe with my secret was not easy. Each time I thought they might be trustworthy, a derogatory comment about people who were gay would come out, and I was thankful that I hadn’t shared it.
As my son returned to college life seemed to go on. The physical absence of this undisclosed reality made it a little easier. Although my son was out of sight, he was not out of my heart, and I continued in my silent grief.
MORE TROUBLE
The silence broke in 2003 with the announcement of new trouble. This time, the news came from one of my son’s friends. He explained my son had come home to tell us about his addiction to drugs and ask for help. I knew that it would be impossible for me to carry both secrets alone, so I began to reach out for help.
As my son entered a Christian inpatient recovery program, I began a recovery journey of sorts, designed by God. God taught me that things kept in the dark can’t heal completely, and you can’t grieve other losses until you grieve previous ones. So, I began to look at everything I thought I lost when my son announced that he was gay.
REACHING OUT FOR HELP
One of the first people I shared my secret with, without vetting, was my Bible Study Fellowship group facilitator. She told me that there were organizations that helped families impacted by homosexuality. When I contacted them, I learned that there were families support groups, however, not in my state.
The first group my husband and I attended was in San Diego while on vacation. I remember feeling a little apprehensive when we walked into the room that evening, but that feeling quickly faded as I listened to the other families share their stories. It was evident that they loved their child and loved the LORD too, and they didn’t need to compromise God’s Word to do both. When it was my turn to share, I cried throughout my whole story, but it felt so good. I was finally in a safe place where others understood my sorrow and would not judge my son or me.
Returning to Arizona, I knew I had to find something. My desire to locate a group overrode my fear of rejection, so, I began cold calling churches. Well, that was in 2003, and I don’t think you could use the word “gay" or "homosexual" in churches, even if speaking over the phone. After learning the reason for my call, it seemed that they made their best effort to get me off the line as quickly as possible. The typical response was “We don’t have any families dealing with that issue.", but I knew differently.
STARTING THE MINISTRY
After exhausting all of my potential leads of finding a group, I decided to pray and fast to see if the LORD would have me to begin one at my church. Believing I received the go ahead, I approached our church leadership and shared my story and idea. They were very supportive and explained there were only two requirements. The first, to attend leadership training classes that the church offered. The second, to find another couple to come alongside us. This measure was to safeguard the ministry if one of the families moved away; the group could continue. Great idea, but inside I thought where in the world would we ever find another family? I didn’t know another soul in Arizona who was dealing with this issue.
The church decided to place an announcement in the bulletin and several months later another family came forward. When the mom called, we both cried as we shared our stories. I remember telling her that I was so sorry that this had happened to her, but, I was also so thankful to talk to another mom!
Initially, the group was called, Out of the Dark and Into the Light, because it described how I felt when I began sharing my secret. The first meeting was held on May 6, 2004, at Chandler Christian Church, in Chandler, AZ.
Several months after it launched, I was spending some time alone with God, and I felt as if he was asking me to look at a dream he had given me a year and a half prior. In the dream my son and I was just outside a family waiting area, and behind us a set of elevator doors. He seemed to be about ten years old; lying across my arms, me kneeling on the ground. It was as if the Holy Spirit had fallen on us and we were both crying overwhelming tears of joy, and peace like I had never experienced before, nor since, perhaps this side of heaven. Even now it 's hard to find the words to describe the scene. However, this time, it was as if God was asking me to describe the physical aspects of the room, rather than the spiritual ones. So, I went about explaining that there was a window, plant, and I felt as if he asked me to stop and to describe what was unusual about the room. As I looked at it again, it was easy to answer, the chairs were empty. A nurse by profession, I knew it was highly unusual for a family waiting room to be empty. As soon as I announced my observation to God, he said, “I know, and I am going to bring families like yours to fill the chairs!" At that moment, I knew the name would change to Waiting Room!
Since that time God has been faithful to his promise. He fills chairs in Waiting Rooms at local churches and through an OnLine Waiting Room, with plans to add more Waiting Rooms for families impacted by addiction, and for those who's children abandoned their faith.
So that trouble that came into my life so many years ago, well it did change my life, but not in the way I thought. It has been for the better. I have learned so many things about God and myself, that most likely, I wouldn't have learned any other way.
God has given me a front row seat to the life transforming work he is doing in the lives of his children. Families come to the Waiting Room looking for ways to change the direction of their children and discover God is changing them. He is giving them the capacity to love like he does. The ability to look beyond whatever the issue is, right into the heart of the person, to see each one as God created them to be. And then God sends them out into their communities, extending his love to their loved ones, their partners, and friends.
I am confident that I will see more of the miracles he accomplished when I see Jesus face-to-face, and, experience the overwhelming joy and peace that he gave me a glimpse of in my dream.
Finding others who might be safe with my secret was not easy. Each time I thought they might be trustworthy, a derogatory comment about people who were gay would come out, and I was thankful that I hadn’t shared it.
As my son returned to college life seemed to go on. The physical absence of this undisclosed reality made it a little easier. Although my son was out of sight, he was not out of my heart, and I continued in my silent grief.
MORE TROUBLE
The silence broke in 2003 with the announcement of new trouble. This time, the news came from one of my son’s friends. He explained my son had come home to tell us about his addiction to drugs and ask for help. I knew that it would be impossible for me to carry both secrets alone, so I began to reach out for help.
As my son entered a Christian inpatient recovery program, I began a recovery journey of sorts, designed by God. God taught me that things kept in the dark can’t heal completely, and you can’t grieve other losses until you grieve previous ones. So, I began to look at everything I thought I lost when my son announced that he was gay.
REACHING OUT FOR HELP
One of the first people I shared my secret with, without vetting, was my Bible Study Fellowship group facilitator. She told me that there were organizations that helped families impacted by homosexuality. When I contacted them, I learned that there were families support groups, however, not in my state.
The first group my husband and I attended was in San Diego while on vacation. I remember feeling a little apprehensive when we walked into the room that evening, but that feeling quickly faded as I listened to the other families share their stories. It was evident that they loved their child and loved the LORD too, and they didn’t need to compromise God’s Word to do both. When it was my turn to share, I cried throughout my whole story, but it felt so good. I was finally in a safe place where others understood my sorrow and would not judge my son or me.
Returning to Arizona, I knew I had to find something. My desire to locate a group overrode my fear of rejection, so, I began cold calling churches. Well, that was in 2003, and I don’t think you could use the word “gay" or "homosexual" in churches, even if speaking over the phone. After learning the reason for my call, it seemed that they made their best effort to get me off the line as quickly as possible. The typical response was “We don’t have any families dealing with that issue.", but I knew differently.
STARTING THE MINISTRY
After exhausting all of my potential leads of finding a group, I decided to pray and fast to see if the LORD would have me to begin one at my church. Believing I received the go ahead, I approached our church leadership and shared my story and idea. They were very supportive and explained there were only two requirements. The first, to attend leadership training classes that the church offered. The second, to find another couple to come alongside us. This measure was to safeguard the ministry if one of the families moved away; the group could continue. Great idea, but inside I thought where in the world would we ever find another family? I didn’t know another soul in Arizona who was dealing with this issue.
The church decided to place an announcement in the bulletin and several months later another family came forward. When the mom called, we both cried as we shared our stories. I remember telling her that I was so sorry that this had happened to her, but, I was also so thankful to talk to another mom!
Initially, the group was called, Out of the Dark and Into the Light, because it described how I felt when I began sharing my secret. The first meeting was held on May 6, 2004, at Chandler Christian Church, in Chandler, AZ.
Several months after it launched, I was spending some time alone with God, and I felt as if he was asking me to look at a dream he had given me a year and a half prior. In the dream my son and I was just outside a family waiting area, and behind us a set of elevator doors. He seemed to be about ten years old; lying across my arms, me kneeling on the ground. It was as if the Holy Spirit had fallen on us and we were both crying overwhelming tears of joy, and peace like I had never experienced before, nor since, perhaps this side of heaven. Even now it 's hard to find the words to describe the scene. However, this time, it was as if God was asking me to describe the physical aspects of the room, rather than the spiritual ones. So, I went about explaining that there was a window, plant, and I felt as if he asked me to stop and to describe what was unusual about the room. As I looked at it again, it was easy to answer, the chairs were empty. A nurse by profession, I knew it was highly unusual for a family waiting room to be empty. As soon as I announced my observation to God, he said, “I know, and I am going to bring families like yours to fill the chairs!" At that moment, I knew the name would change to Waiting Room!
Since that time God has been faithful to his promise. He fills chairs in Waiting Rooms at local churches and through an OnLine Waiting Room, with plans to add more Waiting Rooms for families impacted by addiction, and for those who's children abandoned their faith.
So that trouble that came into my life so many years ago, well it did change my life, but not in the way I thought. It has been for the better. I have learned so many things about God and myself, that most likely, I wouldn't have learned any other way.
God has given me a front row seat to the life transforming work he is doing in the lives of his children. Families come to the Waiting Room looking for ways to change the direction of their children and discover God is changing them. He is giving them the capacity to love like he does. The ability to look beyond whatever the issue is, right into the heart of the person, to see each one as God created them to be. And then God sends them out into their communities, extending his love to their loved ones, their partners, and friends.
I am confident that I will see more of the miracles he accomplished when I see Jesus face-to-face, and, experience the overwhelming joy and peace that he gave me a glimpse of in my dream.