Trouble Changed My Life Forever
Sometimes when trouble comes, we think that God is not in it, and, that nothing good can come out of it. That is exactly how I felt in 1998 when my son came home from his freshman year in college and said, “Mom, I’m Gay.”
Overwhelmed with sadness, I told him that I loved him no matter what and that nothing would ever change my love for him. I also said that just because he had these feelings didn’t mean he needed to act on them and to press into God.
Inside I was thinking... If only these words would go back into his mouth, our lives would not need to change forever! I was sure that NOTHING good could come from his announcement.
Questions without answers bombarded my mind. How could this happen? Did the Bible say that homosexuals would go to hell? Would God condemn my son to hell for feelings that I knew he didn’t choose? Would he contract a disease and die? Would others physically harm him if they found out? Who could help me sort this all out?
DOMINATED BY FEAR
Fear dominated my thoughts and actions. I worried that if others found out he was gay, he would lose his identity. They would see him as a gay man first, unable to discover all of his other qualities God gave him. The thought of their judgement compounded my grief. I feared rejection from his father and my parents too. Even though I perceived my son felt a sense of freedom and release by proclaiming this new identity, I felt trapped and oppressed.
That day I made the decision not to share this news with anyone, except my sister. She loved my son like her own, and she could be trusted, but no one else. Later, I would share my son's homosexuality with the man I was dating, knowing that it might be a deal breaker in our relationship. Thankfully, it wasn't, and we married in 2002. Even though he didn’t understand homosexuality either, he graciously extended his love to my son and never placed any conditions on it.